Losing Heaven
by kimbclar
Summary: Buffy is ripped out of heaven. How will she handle it? More importantly how will Spike help her. My Spuffy rewrite of Season Six.
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE**

Buffy felt like the softest cotton blankets surrounded her. Warm. Protected. Safe. It was something entirely new to her. Something she hadn't felt – ever. Not even before she was called.

She also felt loved. Completely surrounded by love. This was something she hadn't really felt since her mother died. In fact as she stretched out her senses she thought she felt her mother's presence.

"Mommy?" she called softly hoping not to startle the presence she felt. In no way did she want it to leave. To her surprise and infinite delight the presence drew closer to her and she felt as if she was being enveloped in love.

"I'm here baby girl."

Buffy gasped as the presence of her mother surrounded her. Neither she nor her mother had physical form but she knew without a doubt that her mother was there.

"Where are we mommy? Is this Heaven? Can I rest?"

"Yes baby it is and yes you can. I'm so proud of you and what you did for Dawnie."

Buffy thought she would feel sad thinking of her sister but she was filled with the knowledge that her sister was safe and protected.

"I couldn't let her die mommy. She has so much to live for and I was so tired. I missed you."

"I missed you to baby. You don't have to worry everything is going to be fine. Your dad is coming to get Dawn. He'll take care of her."

"Mommy, he didn't come when you died. Are you sure he'll come now?"

"Yes, he couldn't come before. The Powers kept him away. You had to confront and defeat Glory so Dawn could be safe. You were the only one who could do that and he wasn't allowed to come until you did."

Despite the utter peace and contentment surrounding her Buffy felt sad that her father hadn't been allowed to come to her but also grateful that he hadn't really chosen to stay away.

Time passed but she wasn't sure how much time. It could have been a day or it could have been eternity. Time just didn't seem to matter here. She spent most of her time with her mother but sometimes she liked to be alone. When she was alone she would relax into the peace that surrounded her.

It never occurred to Buffy that eternity could end. It never occurred to her that anyone would want to disturb what she'd come to think of as her reward for all the pain she'd suffered in her short life. No it never occurred to her because she was completely and utterly at peace.

Suddenly Buffy felt a pain like she'd never known before and began to scream. She was instantly surrounded by her mother's presence but it wasn't enough. She was ripped away and her essence pulled away by some unknown force.

When Buffy came to herself she felt cold and sore. What shocked her most was that she felt at all. Her arms ached. Her legs ached. But most especially her chest ached from drawing in air. Tentatively she reached out her hands and encountered a soft satin material. She carefully stretched out and found herself surrounded by the same soft material on all sides and suddenly she knew exactly where she was – her coffin.

Buffy's breath began to come in panicked bursts as she began to beat on the lid of her coffin using all her strength to bust out. Words tumbled from her lips in a horrified refrain.

"Buriedalive!Ohgod!Ohgod!Buriedalive!Gottagetout!" She repeated the words over and over in a growing desperation as she finally broke through the lid of her prison and into the dirt above. As soon as she did the dirt began to pour in on top of her and she struggled harder digging her way up and out of her grave.

Finally she broke free, collapsed on the ground and sucked in the cool night air. Even though Buffy knew it was night everything seemed bright, harsh and distorted. Buffy slowly raised her head and looked out into the night but only saw blurry images, nothing distinct.

She pushed herself to her feet and stood on shaky legs. She had no idea where she was or what she should do so she just stood there with tears running down her face streaking the dirt collected on her skin. The tears cleared her vision and suddenly she realized where she was. A cemetery. A very familiar cemetery, in Sunnydale.

"Oh god!" she gasped turning in all directions trying to identify which of Sunnydale's many cemeteries she'd been buried in. Then she realized it must be Sunnydale Cemetery. She'd probably been buried next to her mother. Buffy turned back to her grave and slowly made her way to her headstone and silently read it to herself. Turning to her right she saw the headstone marking the location of her mother's grave.

Suddenly it was too much and Buffy fell to the ground again clutching her fist to her mouth in an attempt to keep in the sobs trying to escape. Buffy's other hand clutched at the ground and encountered several objects. She looked down and saw a circle of candles surrounding her grave and the broken shards of an urn. She also noticed a strange feeling in the air, a feeling of power, a feeling of magic.

The feeling shocked her. She'd never been able to feel magic before but now the remains of whatever spell had been cast here coursed through her system. It was almost as if her spidey sense had been retuned. Now she not only felt vampires and demons but magic as well.

Instinctively she knew that whatever spell had been cast here tonight was responsible for bringing her back and anger began to build inside her. 'How dare they! How dare they do this to me!' she thought to herself. Her eyes began to darken and the air began to crackle with electricity.

Buffy almost jumped out of her skin at the sensations running through her body. "What the hell did they do to me?"

As she stood there wondering what she should do next the back of her neck began to tingle. 'Vampire. Strong, definitely not a fledge,' she thought immediately. 'Oh shit! How did I know that?' Buffy was in shock. Before her death she'd been able to sense the difference between a vampire and other demons but she'd never been able to tell the difference between a fledge and a Master Vampire.

Buffy quickly looked around and found a broken branch lying on the ground. She picked it up, broke it in half and stood in a fighting stance. As she stood there she felt power surge through her blood as if readying herself for the coming fight. 'Woah, more new stuff. I wonder what else I got brought back with?'

The approaching vampire stepped out from behind a nearby crypt and the moonlight shone down on his platinum blonde head.

Spike stopped dead when he saw the woman standing at the slayer's grave. He knew instinctively that this wasn't the bot. He felt a wave of power like nothing he'd ever experienced coming off the small woman standing a few feet before him. He gasped an unneeded breath, "Buffy?"

Suddenly it was too much for her and another sob escaped her lips and she cried out desperately, "Spike!"

Spike was frozen in place. He'd heard her speak but he was to shocked to reply.

"Spike, please," Buffy pleaded. She wasn't sure what she was pleading for but she knew that whatever had brought her here and whatever was to come that the man before her would keep her safe. Before she died she hadn't wanted or needed anyone to protect her but now she desperately needed someone to make her feel safe because she felt so terribly lost.

It was her second cry that freed him from his stupor and forced him into motion. Spike quickly moved to the small trembling woman and took her in his arms just as she began to shake convulsively.

"Ohgod!Ohgod!Ohgod!" She mumbled over and over as he held her. Spike rubbed slow circles on her back trying to calm the woman in his arms. As he held her he breathed in her scent. Buffy smelled of earth, decay and underneath it all power.

Spike pulled back and looked into Buffy's eyes, "What happened pet?"

"I'm not sure. One minute everything was warm, soft and the next everything was cold and painful. I reached up and felt satin all around me." At this her voice broke, "Nooo! Oh no! I was in my coffin! Oh god!"

The tears came again but she didn't stop speaking. "Had to dig my way out. Everything was so blurry and it hurt. I started to cry and my vision cleared. Then I saw my grave and my mom's. Oh mommy! Why did they take me? Why?"

"Pet, what do you mean took you?" Spike couldn't help the question even though he had a horrible feeling he knew what she'd meant by being taken.

"I was safe. I was happy. But then there was pain and tearing. Someone cast a spell to bring me back."

Spike gave a low growl that at any other time might have made Buffy nervous but now it only comforted her. Spike wasn't angry with her. He was angry with the people who'd hurt her.

"How do you know as spell was cast?"

"I found the remnants – the candles, an urn – but I can feel the magic in the air. It's strong. Whoever did the casting is powerful. They used some very dark powerful magic to do this. It's in the air all around us. Spike, why would someone do this to me?"

Spike pulled Buffy closer to him again and held her tightly. "I don't know sweetheart but I'm sure as hell going to help you find out."


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

Buffy felt more exhausted than she ever had in her life. All she wanted was to lie down and never get up again.

"Spike, I'm so tired."

"Oh sweetling, I'm so sorry let's get you somewhere so I can get ya cleaned up and ya can rest."

Spike wasn't sure where to take her. The Revello Drive house had been sold not long after Hank Summers had come to take Dawn away with him. The Wicca's had moved back on campus and the Xander and Anya's apartment was to far to walk. His crypt wasn't far but he was loath to take her there but saw little choice. If he thought about it was the best first stop because he had quite a few of her clothes there, which he'd taken at the height of his obsession with her before her death. 'Crypt it is. Jus' get her a few things and take her to a hotel,' he thought to himself.

"Buffy let's go by my crypt so I can get a few things for you and then I'll take you to a hotel so you can clean up."

Buffy was confused, "Why do we need a hotel can't you take me home?"

'Damn, shoulda known I couldn't avoid the topic.' Aloud he responded, "Pet, yer Dad sold the house when he came for Dawn. So I can't take ya there."

"Oh that's right. Mom told me he was coming. I'd forgotten."

"Yer mum?"

At Spike's question tears began to well in Buffy's eyes.

"Oh pet. 'M sorry jus ignore me. 'M a stupid git upsettin ya."

"Oh Spike, I was with her and now she's gone. What am I going to do?" Buffy sobbed out.

Spike drew her into his arms again and turned her toward his crypt. "I don' know luv but I'll help ya as much as I can."

The two began to walk toward his crypt. Buffy leaned heavily against Spike struggling with each step. Her body felt weak from disuse.

Spike noticed her struggles and quickly making a decision swept her into his arms and carried her rapidly toward their destination.

Buffy sighed deeply. She hadn't wanted to ask him to carry her but when he picked her up she felt an overwhelming sense of relief. She relaxed against him and for the first time since she'd dug herself out of her grave she felt safe.

When they arrived at the crypt Spike kicked open the door, strode directly to his chair and gently placed Buffy down.

"Pet, 'm gonna get a few things and then we'll go. Yeah?"

"Mkay. Spike do you have anything to drink. Some water?"

Spike felt like an idiot. He'd been so busy trying to absorb her presence that he hadn't even thought of what she might need. Quickly he turned and rummaged around in his mini-fridge pulling out a bottle of water and opening it.

Turning back to Buffy he was again overwhelmed by the fact she was even here. She amazed him. After her death and Dawn's leaving it had been almost more than he could handle to go through the motions of living and not meet the sunrise. The only thing that had kept him going was continuing her fight to protect the hellmouth. He'd never considered himself a white hat but for her he would go against his very nature.

Spike knelt before her and handed her the bottle of water. Buffy brought the bottle to her lips and took a long drink feeling the cool liquid trail down her dry throat. As she took a second long swallow she looked into the deep blue eyes of the vampire kneeling before her. She was amazed by the love reflected in his gaze.

Before her death she hadn't wanted to believe that he loved her. In fact up until the night of her death she'd fought against it every step of the way. It had been the last words spoken by him when they'd been at her house that had finally opened her eyes to the depth of his feelings. She'd finally realized that he cared for her but she'd still been unwilling to call it love.

Now faced with the truth of his love she found herself drowning in his eyes and wanting to stay lost in them forever.

Buffy lifted her hand and caressed his cheek. His skin felt soft and cool to her touch. Spike turned into her touch and lifted his hand to hold her's to his face not wanting to break the contact. For a long moment they sat there staring into each other's eyes lost in what they saw there.

After several moments Spike gently stroked Buffy's hand causing her to flinch in realization of the torn skin of her fingers. He drew her hand away and looked at her fingers.

"Oh luv, I can't seem to do right by you tonight. Let me get something to clean these up and then we'll go."

Spike stood, walked to a small cabinet next to his mini-fridge and pulled out a first aid kit. He then reached back into the refrigerator and pulled out another bottle of water to use in cleaning Buffy's wounded hands.

He walked back over to Buffy knelt in front of her and set down the first aid kit. After removing a clean cloth from the kit he took one of her hands in his and began to clean, disinfect and bandage the wound. Several minutes later he'd treated both hands. As he finished bandaging her hands he gently kissed the palms of each and placed them in her lap.

"I'll be right back. 'M jus going to pack a bag and we'll get outta here."

"Okay," Buffy softly replied watching him stand and go toward the trapdoor leading to the lower level of his crypt.

Buffy leaned back into the chair in exhaustion to wait for him. Several moments passed when she heard loud voices outside the door of the crypt. Buffy sat up in fear. She knew that whoever was outside the door was human but she sensed strong magic's coming off of them. Magic that felt very close to what she'd experienced at her gravesite. As the door began to open Buffy's heart rate skyrocketed and her breathing became erratic.

In the lower level of the crypt Spike packed a bag with clothes for himself and Buffy. Suddenly he felt fear coming from the girl waiting in the upper level of his crypt. Her heartbeat and breathing were erratic. Spike leapt up the ladder and threw back the trap door just as the Scoobies burst into his crypt.

As the Scoobies came into the crypt Xander called out, "Spike! Are you here?"

Buffy whimpered drawing everyone's attention toward her. Suddenly Xander and Willow converged on her with Tara and Anya hanging back.

"Oh goddess! Buffy! It worked," Willow rambled as she rushed up to Buffy.

Buffy flinched away from the red headed witch trying to avoid her touch.

"Woah! Buffy it's okay. It's me Xander and your other bestest bud Willow," Xander said confused about Buffy's reaction to Willow's touch.

Buffy felt panicked. These were the people who'd cast the spell to bring her back. She could feel the black magic rolling off of them particularly Willow. She shrunk further back into the chair trying to get away from the people crowding her.

Willow and Xander were firing questions at her causing her panic to escalate rapidly. Finally having enough she screamed for the one person in the room that made her feel safe, "Spike!"

Spike hearing her cry pushed Xander and Willow out of the way and took Buffy in his arms.

"I'm here sweetheart," he said pulling the shaking woman into his arms. Buffy collapsed into the safety of his arms and began sobbing again.

"Spike take me out of here," she sobbed into his shoulder.

"Anything you want," he replied and then turned to the four people who'd just invaded his crypt. "Shut up you gits. Yer scaring her."

"You shut up bleach boy! Let her go. We'll take her with us. She's doesn't want to be with you," Xander said snidely.

Buffy clutched Spike tighter fearful that she'd be ripped out of his arms. Spike instinctively responded to her fear by rubbing his hands in soothing circles on her back and sides.

"Shut up whelp. The slayer wants to stay with me. 'M not forcing her to go with me and you lot are sure as hell not forcing her to go with you."

A sneer crossed Xander's face, "How are you going to stop us? That chip shoved in your brain makes you pretty damn defenseless against humans and last I checked we're all humans."

A low, deadly growl erupted from Spike's chest. "I might have this chip boy but I can assure you that a little pain isn't going to stop me from hurtin' you. Listen to me and listen good."

Then Spike spoke slowly and distinctly as if speaking to an extremely stupid child said, "Buffy. Does. Not. Want. To. Go. With. You."

During the confrontation Buffy continued to clutch Spike's shirt holding him close to her. From across the room Tara observed her fear of them and her absolute trust in Spike. She knew instinctively that this would end in blows unless someone took control of the situation. Xander hated Spike despite everything he'd done for them and Tara knew there was no way he'd let Buffy go with the bleach blonde vampire unless someone forced him to see that was what Buffy herself wanted.

"Stop," Tara said in a firm voice that caught everyone's attention. The shy Wicca usually stuttered and stammered so when she spoke in such a sure manner she caught the attention of the entire room.

She smiled softly, "Why don't we ask Buffy what she wants? If she wants to come with us or stay with Spike."

Spike was glad for Tara's presence he'd known that of everyone present she would be willing to listen to what Buffy wanted and convince the other's to listen. Tara might be one of the shiest and quietest people he'd every met but she also had an inner strength that radiated from her.

"Thanks, Glinda."

Tara slowly approached Buffy trying not to startle the obviously traumatized young woman Spike held in his arms. As soon as Tara neared Buffy she knelt down next to Spike and reached out to softly stroke her honey gold hair.

Buffy knew that Tara had been involved with the spell to bring her back but for some reason the girl's touch, unlike that of Willow or Xander, soothed rather than frightened her. Tara exuded peace and Buffy knew that her participation in the spell had not been for selfish purposes. She wondered to herself at the feelings the people in the room were capable of generating in her. It felt almost as if she could sense their auras. This was something she'd never been able to do before her death and she filed it under the long list of unanswered questions since her resurrection.

'God,' she thought to herself, 'it's like I got this huge welcome home gift but no one bothered to leave an instruction manual.'

While Buffy was lost in her own thoughts the room once more exploded into a heated debate on what should happen to her. Slowly Buffy stiffened and sat up, "Everyone just stop it! You are all acting like a pack of dogs and I'm the only bone. I want to go with Spike. I'm the one that just got brought back from the dead without so much as a by your leave so I'm the one that gets to decide what I want. I want Spike and I don't really care what the rest of you think about it. So just shut up!"

Xander sputtered, "Buffy! He's the evil undead. You can't go with him there's no telling what he'll do to you."

Spike wisely stayed silent at Xander's outburst when he saw the cold determined gleam in Buffy's eyes.

"Xander Harris! Did you not hear a word I said? I want to go with Spike. I am going with Spike. I didn't ask for nor do I need your permission. Now, I'm tired, achy and dirty so Spike is going to take me somewhere to get clean and sleep. All of you are going home. I don't want to talk to you anymore tonight."

"But, Buffy," Willow whined wringing her hands.

"I'm done talking Willow. Everyone who is not Spike – Leave. I can tell that you won't just let this go so tomorrow after sunset Spike and I will meet you at the Magic Box but until then just leave me alone!"

At Buffy's outburst Tara stood and began herding the other Scoobies toward the door of Spike's crypt. As they neared the door Anya turned and gave Buffy a long hard look. She'd quietly watched everything since she'd entered the crypt and was very disturbed at what she'd seen. She made eye contact with Tara and both girls shared a knowing look. They'd made a mistake in helping to resurrect Buffy. Neither knew the consequences of what they'd done but they both realized there would be consequences.

Quietly Anya spoke, "Buffy, I'm sorry."

Buffy looked at the ex-vengeance demon and knew the girl spoke the truth. Of all the people in the room, other than Tara, Anya was sorry for what she'd done to Buffy this night.

Buffy's response was simple and heartfelt, "Thank you."


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

Sunnydale Inn

As soon as the Scoobies left his crypt Spike had bundled the Slayer up and moved her to the Sunnydale Inn. He was still in awe that Buffy had chosen him over her friends. If he'd had the guts he would have pinched himself to see if he was dreaming but he couldn't bring himself to do it because if this was a dream he never wanted to wake up.

Buffy felt as if she'd been in a fog and was only just now waking up. The Scoobies bursting into Spike's crypt had been like cold water being thrown on her forcing her into wakefulness. She hated it.

"Pet," Spike said breaking into her thoughts. "Do you want to take a bath or maybe a shower? Get cleaned up."

Buffy smiled up at him from her seat on the bed. "A bath sounds good."

Buffy stood but found herself falling forward her muscle's still weak from disuse. Spike quickly caught her preventing her from hitting the ground.

"Easy there, luv. Why don't you stay here and I'll get a bath ready for you. Yeah?" he said sitting her gently back on the bed.

Buffy laughed weakly, "Sounds good. I don't think it's a good idea for me to move anymore than necessary."

Spike nodded and turned toward the bathroom. He quickly adjusted the taps and steaming water began to fill the tub. Spike added vanilla scented oil that he'd liberated from Buffy's bathroom just before the Revello Drive house had been sold. After her death he'd occasionally opened the bottle inhaling the scent he forever identified with the woman he'd lost.

Once the bath was filled he returned to Buffy's side finding her curled up on the bed asleep. "Luv," he said as he gently shook her awake, "the bath is ready."

Buffy opened her eyes slowly and smiled softly at the concerned face looking down at her. "Umm, a bath will be of the good." She then sat up slowly not wanting to experience another fall. "Will you help me? My motor coordination seems to be lacking."

Spike nodded trying to get his emotions under control. Being near her, touching her was stretching his self-control to the limit. All he really wanted to do was pull her into his arms and cover her face with kisses. 'Somehow I don' think she'll appreciate me doin' that,' he thought.

Buffy stumbled slightly as they walked toward the bathroom so again Spike swept her into his arms and carried her into the next room gently sitting her on the edge of the bath. Spike had chosen the Sunnydale Inn specifically for its amenities, particularly the whirlpool baths.

Buffy looked around the bathroom in appreciation. "Oooh! Whirlpool tub. Thank you, Spike."

If Spike could have he would have blushed. First, she'd chosen to stay with him over the Scoobies and now she was thanking him. 'Please, please don' let this be a dream.' Aloud he said, "Thought you'd like it pet. It'll help get yer circulation goin' and relax you."

"Spike, can you unzip my dress?" She asked turning slightly so her back was facing him.

He swallowed hard and reached toward her with a trembling hand and lowered the zipper on her dress exposing the creamy skin of her back. Spike stepped back, "I'll leave you alone to get cleaned up pet. Holler if you need anything."

Buffy placed her hand on his arm, "Spike, I don't think I can get undressed by myself let alone get in the tub and bathe. Can you help me?" she asked as her skin blushed a becoming pink.

At her request Spike gulped, "Of course."

From behind her he gently pushed her dress down her arms trying to focus anywhere but on her body. "Lift up a little, sweetheart," he said pushing the dress down her hips as she raised herself slightly in response to his request. The black dress she'd been buried in slid to the floor in a puddle at her feet leaving Buffy clad only in a white satin bra and matching panties.

Next Spike unclasped the bra and slid the straps over her shoulders and the bra joined the dress on the floor followed swiftly by Buffy's panties. As Spike's hands slid over her skin Buffy's body responded.

Prior to her death Buffy had begun to acknowledge, at least to herself, her attraction to Spike and now those feelings coupled with his touch were awakening a deep feeling of arousal. Unwittingly she moaned as Spike slid his arms around her and lowered her into the whirling waters of the bath.

Spike looked down at Buffy only to see her eyes glazed over with lust and something else. 'Is that love?' he thought. 'I must be going crazy. She's only just come back. Can't touch her the way I want. Got to let her adjust to being here.' But he couldn't stop his own thoughts as she lay back in the bath with the water barely covering the coral tips of her breasts.

In a daze he reached for a washcloth and quickly lathered it with the rose scented soap provided by the hotel. With a shaking hand he lowered the cloth and began to wash her, rubbing in soothing circles from her shoulders down her right arm and then repeating the process on the left.

Each stroke of his hand ignited the fire burning in Buffy's womb. All rational thought was lost as she succumbed to the exquisite feelings he invoked within her. Spike soon finished with her arms and gently drew her forward into a sitting position repeating the process on her neck and back.

Next he drew her left leg out of the water and using the same firm strokes washed all traces of grave dirt from it. Each time his hand swept closer to her sex Buffy felt as if lightening was shooting through her body. She honestly didn't know how much more she would be able to take. When he moved onto her right leg she truly felt as if she was on fire.

Grabbing his hand she moaned his name, "Spike."

As he'd bathed her Spike had become lost in the increasing scent of her arousal. When Buffy moaned his name a bolt of pure lust shot through him at the heated sound of his name on her lips causing him to moan aloud. The moan turned into a low lust-filled growl as she guided his hand to her sex.

"Please, Spike. I need you to touch me," she pleaded.

"Buffy, luv, you don' know how much I want to but I don' wan' to hurt you. Love you so much baby. If we do this," his voice broke, "Buffy, I wan' us to be forever. I couldn' take it if we made love and then you decided you didn' wan' me."

Tears filled Buffy's eyes. All she could think was how foolish she'd been before her death not realizing the depth of this man's love for her. Until almost the end she'd only allowed herself to see Spike as a monster but when he'd endured being beaten almost to death at Glory's hands and stayed at her side to ensure Dawn's safety she'd started to see him as a man. But if she was honest with herself at the end she'd loved both the man and the monster and her last thoughts prior to jumping had been of him and her regret that she'd never accepted the love he'd offered her. 'Well no more,' she thought, 'I'm not wasting anymore time.'

Buffy reached up and took Spike's face in her hands and just before she pulled him into a deep kiss she said, "Forever sounds perfect."


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

Spike pulled away from Buffy in shock at her words. He couldn't quite believe what he'd heard. Just the day before he'd barely existed because of her absence and now she was laying before him offering him everything he'd ever desired.

With a trembling hand Spike stroked Buffy's face, "You're sure?"

Buffy looked at the man before her filling her eyes with the depth of her feelings for him as she gently stroked his cheek. She had no doubts that she wanted this man, this vampire and more importantly she knew she loved him. Now she had only to face her fears in sharing those feelings.

She knew exactly why she was afraid. Ever since Angelus had thrown her love for Angel back in her face and then when Angel left her she'd been afraid not only to feel but to let anyone see the depth of her emotions. If her feelings didn't run deep she couldn't be hurt. It was the main reason she'd entered a relationship with Riley and why that relationship hadn't worked.

Buffy had never really loved Riley. She'd loved the idea of normal and it was what everyone had seemed to want for her. Never had she taken the time to consider what she wanted and needed. She wasn't going to make that mistake again.

Buffy made her decision. She loved and wanted Spike. She wasn't going to let her fears keep her from a chance at happiness. Something told her that he would never leave. He would grab onto her love and give it back a hundred fold.

"I love you, even before my death. But I was so afraid. Afraid that even though you said you loved me you would leave. Afraid my friends would reject me. I'm not afraid anymore. I love you and if forever is what you want then forever it is."

If Spike had needed to breath he would have been breathless at her words and the look of love shining from her eyes. She loved him. She loved him. He couldn't form words so he pulled her into his arms and devoured her mouth with hungry kisses.

Long moments later they broke the kiss so Buffy could catch her breath. Spike pulled away and looked into the depths of her hazel eyes. She amazed him. Not even twenty-four hours out of the grave and she'd given him her heart. He knew her fears because they were his and he swore to himself that he would never give her cause to regret her choice.

"Buffy. Pet, love you so much. Promise you'll never regret this."

Buffy smiled up at him and then shivered. As they'd talked and kissed the water had grown cold.

"Brr, this water is freezing," Buffy complained as she ran her hand through her hair, "and I still haven't washed my hair. Ugh!"

Spike laughed. That was his girl. Only Buffy could worry about the state of her hair as they were making declarations of love to each other. "No worries, sweetling," Spike said as he pulled the stopper for the tub. He then reached for the handheld showerhead, adjusted the water temperature and began to wash Buffy's hair.

As the warm water cascaded over her Buffy moaned in pleasure at the heat. "Feels lovely."

Spike smiled and reached for the shampoo sitting next to him on the edge of the tub. After thoroughly wetting her hair he replaced the showerhead and began to massage shampoo into her hair.

"Close your eyes," he whispered as he rinsed her hair. As soon as he rinsed her hair he reached for the conditioner and massaged it into her hair. He gently combed it through her hair with his fingers eliciting kitten like mewls from Buffy. Finally he rinsed her hair and wrapped her in a towel and pulled her from the tub.

After drying her he carried her into the room and laid her naked on the middle of the room's queen size bed. Spike sucked in an unneeded breath at the beauty of the woman lying before him. He trailed his eyes down her body taking in her golden hair splayed out around her head like a halo. Next his gaze traveled to her perfect rose tipped breasts. He ached to touch them but first he wanted to take in the sight of his golden goddess displayed before him. Finally his eyes traveled to the dark curls hiding her sex.

"Beautiful," he said.

Buffy could no longer stand it. The way his eyes raked across her caused a rush of wetness to her sex. She reached one hand up beckoning. "Please, need you."

Spike smirked not quite ready to join Buffy on the bed. He'd waited so long for this and he wanted it to last. He pulled his black t-shirt over his head exposing his well-defined alabaster chest and abdomen. He then splayed his fingers across his chest and moved his hand slowly across his chiseled abs to the button on his jeans.

It was Buffy's turn to be breathless. She was aching with desire for Spike's touch and he was teasing her with his slow striptease. Buffy smirked deciding two could play at that game. She brought her hands up to cup her breasts and began to roll her nipples between two fingers bringing them to diamond hard points. Then she slowly trailed one hand down her abdomen to the top of the curls hiding her sex and began to gently circle her clit with one finger.

Spike was almost panting at the sight of Buffy pleasuring herself. He was no longer interested in dragging out the removal of his own clothes. Within seconds he'd removed his boots and jeans and slowly began to stroke his cock as he watched Buffy touch herself.

Buffy moaned at the sight of Spike naked and ready before her with his cock jutting out from the nest of dark curls at the juncture of his thighs. She quickly moved to her knees and crawled toward the edge of the bed where Spike stood. Gently she traced her hands down his arms and leaned forward taking first one flat male nipple in her mouth and then the other alternately licking, sucking and nipping them with her teeth.

Spike groaned in response to the feel of her mouth on his nipples. Before he could get used to the sensations she was causing by her attentions to his nipples she began nip and lick a path down his chest and abdomen. Buffy moved to sit on the edge of the bed drawing Spike between her legs.

She gave him a coy look from under her lashes just as she took the tip of his cock in her mouth. Buffy circled the belled head with the tip of her tongue and then ran it along the slit sucking in the drop of pre-cum pearled on the tip. As she laved the tip of his cock with her tongue she took the rest into her hand and began a firm, steady rhythm.

Spike struggled to control his reaction to Buffy's mouth and hand. He didn't want to cum before they'd even started. Buffy smirked around the cock in her mouth as she noticed the tightening of Spike's jaw. She'd never really enjoyed performing oral sex on Riley but as she watched Spike react to her ministrations she felt an incredible since of feminine pride and power shoot through her that she was able to reduce such a powerful creature to a puddle of need.

Buffy moved both hands and grabbed Spike's ass as she took him fully into her mouth. Unwittingly he moved his hands to her head and laced his fingers through her hair and slowly began to fuck her mouth. Buffy moaned in response and twirled her tongue around his cock. Her reaction to his slow thrusting caused him to pick up speed slightly.

Buffy moaned and swallowed loving the feel of making love to Spike with her mouth. She brought one hand around to cup his balls and began to role them between her fingers.

At the feel of her both her mouth and hand working him Spike began to babble his appreciation for her efforts. "Oh pet – feels so good – love your hot mouth on my cock. Love the way you suck me."

Buffy smiled again at his praises and increased her rhythm. She knew he was close because his balls began to tighten and his thrusting increased.

"Baby, don't stop. 'M gonna…" Spike was unable to complete the thought as he suddenly began to cum thick streams down Buffy's throat. She responded eagerly swallowing everything he had to offer. Then she pulled back first licking his cock clean and then her own lips.

"Delicious," she stated with a huge smile on her face.

Spike dropped to his knees and pulled Buffy into a heated kiss tasting himself on her lips. Slowly he trailed hot open-mouthed kisses down her throat stopping at her pulsing jugular to suck and nip the skin with his human teeth. He continued sucking and licking down her chest taking one perfect nipple into his mouth. Slowly he traced the nipple with the tip of his tongue teasing it to an aching hardness. Then he alternated between slow tantalizing circles with his tongue and soft bites. Buffy moaned in need causing him to move his attention to her other breast.

Buffy clasped his head to her breast in an attempt to keep him from stopping his attentions but Spike was having none of it. He moved his mouth from her breasts and traced a wet trail down her abdomen while slowly laying her back on the bed. Spike looked up at the woman spread out before him with a predatory grin on his face. He gently spread her thighs apart and placed a soft kiss at the juncture where her thigh met her sex.

Buffy mewled loudly at the feel of his mouth so close to where she desperately wanted it. Spike placed another soft kiss on her other thigh and then placed her legs over his shoulders. Buffy shuddered knowing what Spike was about to do. Normally she might have felt shy, Riley had only performed this act on her once or twice, but for whatever reason laying with her sex exposed to Spike ravenous gaze was the most natural thing she'd ever experienced.

Spike used his hands to spread open the lips of her sex to his gaze and then dipped his head in and ran his tongue along her sopping cleft. Buffy nearly bucked him off at the feeling of intense pleasure caused by his cool tongue on her hot sex. It was Buffy's turn to babble unintelligibly as Spike worked her sex with his mouth and hands. She thrashed her head back and forth on the bed as waves of pleasure crashed over her.

"Please, Spike…I need…" she cried out.

Spike smiled against her sex, "Tell me what you need?"

"Oh god," she exclaimed barely able to form coherent thoughts.

"Tell Spike what you need kitten and I'll give it to you."

The feel of Spike's breath on her hot, wet sex was driving her mindless with need and he wasn't even touching her. "Please…"

"Please what baby?" Spike questioned. "I don't know what to do unless you tell me," he said refusing to touch her until she told him what she wanted.

"Oh god! Please suck my clit!" She screamed bucking her mound into his face.

Spike smiled, "Your wish is my command." He then spread her sex open again exposing her erect clit. First he slowly circled it with his tongue causing Buffy to buck and whimper in need. Then he took her clit in his mouth and began to alternate between sucking and gently biting it with his human teeth. Spike then thrust two fingers into Buffy's sodden pussy establishing a hard and fast rhythm quickly bringing the girl writhing against his face to a shuddering orgasm with her screaming his name as she came.

Spike softly lapped her pussy bringing her down from the most incredible orgasm she'd ever felt. As Spike lapped at her pussy she felt the stirring of need swirling in her stomach again. "Please Spike. Need to feel you. Need to feel you inside."

Spike stood and moved both himself and Buffy back onto the bed. Slowly he ran his hands down her body with a feather light touch. Buffy felt as if she was on fire everywhere his fingers grazed her body.

"Please. Fuck me," she begged spreading her legs creating a cradle for his hips.

Spike fitted himself between her thighs and she reached for his cock guiding him to her entrance. He settled above her on his forearms and slowly thrust inside her. Once he was fully seated he rested his forehead against hers allowing her to get used to his size. After a moment Buffy thrust her hips upward, locking her ankles high on his back pulling him deeper within her. Soon she and Spike were meeting each other thrust for thrust establishing a frenzied pace.

"Feel so good kitten. Love the way your pussy feels. So hot, wet," he mumbled as he continued to thrust within her. He felt like her heat was burning him from the inside out. Spike could feel his own orgasm approaching and he reigned in his demon. He wanted to claim the woman writhing beneath him but he knew that despite their words tonight it was to soon. But he also knew that it would happen he just had to be patient.

Buffy could barely form words for the feelings Spike was creating within her. All she could do was mewl and chant his name over and over, "Spike, Spike, Spike." He moved his hand between them and began to massage her clit roughly. As soon as he began to manipulate her clit she was thrown over the edge into her orgasm causing her internal muscles to contract around Spike's cock sending him over the edge as well.

Spike stilled and rather than crushing Buffy beneath him he rolled them so she was sprawled on top of him their bodies still intimately joined. He held her close to him as he pulled back the comforter and slid them both beneath it. As he lay back against the cool pillows he placed a soft kiss the top of her head and whispered, "I love you." Just as Buffy was about to join him in sleep she responded, "Love you too."


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE**

Spike woke suddenly to Buffy thrashing in the bed next to him. Her thrashing had forced the blankets to the foot of the bed exposing her to his eyes. What he saw nearly broke his heart. The woman he and the demon both thought of as 'mate' despite the fact he had yet to claim her had a look of abject terror on her face as she clawed at some unseen force.

While he could not see what she clawed at Spike instinctively knew that she was reliving her escape from her grave. It was something that was an all to familiar memory from his own turning and subsequent rising. Firmly but gently he grasped her flailing arms in his hands attempting to still her movements.

"Buffy, wake up. You're havin' a nightmare," Spike said trying to draw her out of her dream. She didn't respond at first and attempted to pull away from him to continue digging herself out of her dream grave.

Seeing that his more gentle approach wasn't working he took her hands firmly in one of his and moved the other to her shoulder and shook her hard, "It's a dream. Sweetheart wakeup!"

His actions caused the struggling Buffy to sit up at last pulled from her dream. Gasping for breath she began to speak, "OhGod!OhGod!OhGod!" Buffy looked around her with wild eyes and finally seeing Spike she threw herself into his arms sobbing.

Spike held her close and began running his hands gently through her hair and down her back. "Shh, baby. It's goin' to be okay. Spike's got ya. Not gonna let anythin' happen to you if I can help it."

Buffy continued to cry into Spike's chest. "Spike, why? Why did they do this to me? Everything was so soft, peaceful and now it's so hard and bright. Did I do something wrong? Am I being punished?"

Spike tipped Buffy's head back so he could look into her eyes, "You did nothin' wrong. I can't pretend to know why the Scoobies did what they did but I don' think they were trying to hurt you."

Buffy's eyes were swimming with tears, "Maybe not but they did. I need to know why. Why they couldn't just let me be. I was done and now…oh god…what happens now?"

"I don't know," he said softly drawing her shaking body back to his.

. Magic Box .

Tara and Anya sat at the research table watching as Xander and Willow argued over the night's events. Both women were seriously rethinking their own participation in Buffy's resurrection. They had seen Buffy's reaction to them and that she wasn't in any way appreciative of being raised. Her reaction led both to believe that maybe she hadn't been where Willow said she was, maybe she hadn't been in a hell dimension at all. If they let themselves really think about it they both knew that she hadn't been in hell at all. A single question was running through both their minds, 'Could a Slayer who saved the world really be sent to hell?'

Willow and Xander were oblivious to the inner turmoil of their significant others. They were both convinced the plan to resurrect Buffy was a sound one. It was obvious to them that because Buffy had jumped into a portal leading to a hell dimension that her soul had been trapped there. Nothing could be further from the truth but the two original Scoobies would not be dissuaded from their belief.

"Willow, I'm not saying the spell was wrong. I'm saying why the hell didn't we dig her up first. Did you see her? Maybe if we had she'd be with us instead of the bleached wonder," Xander yelled at his oldest friend.

Willow wrung her hands but glared at Xander, "Stop yelling at me! I'm sorry! I made a mistake but I didn't see you thinking to dig up the coffin. It's not my fault she's with Spike. We didn't think the spell worked. None of us. So stop blaming me for everything."

"Well who should we blame," Anya interrupted, "The spell was your idea. You did the research. You gathered the ingredients. You were so sure you could perform it. If anyone should have thought to unearth the coffin it should have been you."

"An, please," Xander whined.

"No Xander. If you remember I did suggest we attempt to find a spell to locate Buffy before we tried raising her. Tara even suggested we do it but the two of you were so hell bent that on the idea that she was in hell that you wouldn't listen. You wouldn't even let us tell Giles. As for digging up the grave I tried to talk to you about it but you said Willow knew what she was doing. Well, we all see how well that turned out," Anya said slamming her hands down on the table in front of her.

Tara could tell things were getting rapidly out of control but she didn't know how to stop it. Everyone in the room was angry but for a different reason. She herself was angry. The spell Willow performed had been black magic, something Tara had sworn she would never participate in and for that she was angry at herself. She knew she should have pushed Willow for more information on what the spell involved. It had been her blind trust in her girlfriend that had prevented her. Tara swore she wouldn't make that mistake again.

Taking a deep breath she interrupted the argument that was going on around her, "Stop it, nothing is going to be solved by us arguing with each other. Buffy is back. Obviously she's angry with us. We don't know why and we won't until we talk to her. So I think the best thing is for us to go home and get some rest until it's time to meet her here tonight."

Tara's words seemed to drain the anger out of the room. They all just stood staring at each other.

"Well, I for one can't sleep," said Anya, "I think I'll spend time doing inventory and counting my money until the shop opens. Then hopefully there will be many customers so I can add to the money I already have." With that Anya stood up and moved behind the counter to the cash register.

Xander sighed, "Let me help you."

Willow looked at Tara, "I think we're going home. We'll see you back here tonight." The two wiccas then walked out of the shop side by side but not touching each other.

. Sunnydale Inn.

Buffy had finally calmed down and fallen asleep in the circle of Spike's arms. He simply held her stroking her hair and back hoping to keep the nightmares at bay. While he held her his mind was racing trying to decide what to do for her. He really wished that Giles was still here. He and the watcher did not always see eye to eye but he knew that the man's expertise was desperately needed in this situation.

With that thought he decided that as soon as Buffy woke he would ask her if she wanted to call Giles. He really wished the watcher could be there before they confronted the Scoobies but knew that wasn't possible. He also knew that as soon as Giles heard of his Slayer's return he'd be back on the next flight. Most likely within the next 24 hours he would return to Sunnydale.

Spike sensed the slight change in Buffy's breathing and heart rate indicating she was waking up. Her eyes slowly blinked open to see the concerned blue of Spike's looking at her. She snuggled deeper into his arms not yet wanting to face the day. But it was not to be as her stomach growled indicating her hunger.

"Somebody's hungry," Spike said with a smile on his face. "Let's order some room service."

"M'kay," Buffy said sleepily. "I'm going to take a shower," she indicated as she slid out of the bed and made her way to the bathroom. "I'm really hungry so order lots."

When Buffy appeared again from the bathroom breakfast had just been delivered. "Mmm, smells delicious." She slid into a chair at the small table where Spike had laid out breakfast and immediately began to pile her plate with eggs, bacon, hash browns and fruit. Satisfied with the amount of food on her plate she immediately began to dig in.

Spike had seen the Slayer eat before she died but he'd never seen her eat as much as she was currently. He stared at her in amazement as she lifted forkful after forkful into her mouth.

"What," Buffy asked around a mouthful of eggs and toast.

"'M sorry. Jus' never seen you eat this much," Spike said.

Buffy suddenly looked sheepish. She knew before she died that her eating habits, especially after her mother's death, had been unhealthy. Without someone there to worry about what and how much she ate she just hadn't had time to think about it. Every minute of every day had been spent worrying about Dawn, making sure Dawn got to school, making sure Dawn ate, making sure Dawn survived Glory. She really hadn't had much time to worry about herself not did she have anyone else to worry about her. If someone set food in front of her she ate but often times she wasn't present at meal times so eating hadn't been a priority. She had a feeling that she was now Spike's priority and missing meals would no longer be in the game plan.

Swallowing she responded, "Slayer metabolism means I need a lot of fuel. But before," at this her voice broke, "but before I died I just…just eating was the last thing on my mind."

Spike nodded silently deciding that missed meals were not going to be part of his Slayer's life this time around.

"I was thinkin'," Spike said, "that we need to call the Watcher. Get him back to Sunnyhell. He could help us figure out what brought you back."

Buffy looked at Spike confused, "He's not here?"

"No luv. He left about a week ago. Back to England," Spike said hating the sad look that had crossed his beloved's face at the idea of her watcher not being in Sunnydale. "But I'm sure as soon as we let 'im know yer back he'll turn right around an come home."

Buffy nodded, "Do you know how to get in touch with him?"

"Yep, he left yours truly his contact information. Not really sure why he wanted me to hav' it but tha's neither here nor there."

Buffy swallowed nervously, "Will you call him? I think it might give him a heart attack if he heard my voice straight off."

Spike nodded and reached for the phone and made the transatlantic call. As he listened to the phone ring for the fourth time Spike began to wonder if the Watcher was home when suddenly the phone was picked up.

"Rupert Giles here," came the sound of the watcher's voice through the phone.

"Watcher, Spike. Got some news for you," Spike said.

"I say, is there a problem in Sunnydale. Do you need help with research?" Giles responded.

"No, no problem. Well, there might be a problem," Spike stumbled unusually for the usually verbose vampire.

"Spike, spit it out," Giles said gruffly.

"Sorry, Rupes. Red did a spell and well…" Spike said trailing off looking anxiously toward the girl sitting across from him.

"Well, what Spike," Giles said growing more frustrated.

"Red's spell. She resurrected… She brought Buffy back," Spike finally got out.

"What," Giles said sure that he hadn't heard the vampire correctly.

Spike turned to Buffy, "Luv, why don't you talk to him."

Buffy nodded reaching for the phone, "Giles, it's me."

From the other end of the line a shocked watcher exclaimed, "Bloody hell!"


End file.
